“The drought was the very worst, ah ah”
“You’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore”
“Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That’s when I could finally breathe”
“Ten months sober, I must admit
Just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it”
(Clean. Taylor Swift)
I have not used illegal drugs or illegal pharmaceuticals. I am not judging anyone who has. I do occasionally drink alcohol–usually hard liquor like Fireball (whiskey), Hard Root Beer, Crown Apple, vodka, or fruity drinks or shots. I haven’t had any alcohol for a while–almost a year–mostly because I only drink socially, I do not like to drink and drive, I have been drugged that way–without my knowledge or consent–according to God, and because of budget.
I have been made aware by God of what He calls “beyond surveillance.” That means people–including people I know–have seen and heard things that they were never meant to hear. Often things are taken out of context. This hurts me more than I can ever say and has hurt all of my relationships.
I have ordered “liquid marijuana” shots before. They are not actual marijuana at all nor did I think they were. I have since been told by God that marijuana actually does come in liquid form. I had no idea. I never would have risked ordering them if I knew that. God made me aware that people have heard me order them on beyond surveillance and thought that I was actually ordering the drug. I was not at all. I just saw it as a joke name like “Better Than Sex Cake” or the drink “Sex on the Beach.” I think it is vodka based.
God told me I have been drugged by actual liquid marijuana in beyond terrible ways by people I trusted. That hurts me more than I can ever say.
People often think I’m drunk when I’m dancing because I don’t hold back. I do not like to drink when I dance because I get dizzy. I have never been drunk. I am not judging anyone who has been. I just never wanted to be in a state where I could not make the choices I wanted to make with Yahweh (God) based on the circumstances. That has always been important to me.
I have been choked by a friend of a friend. He was someone I met that night and hardly interacted with. He insisted on walking me and another girl to our cars. It was beyond terrible. I did file a police report, and he was charged with third degree assault–a felony. That is a time when the surveillance helped me.
Because of that I am very careful always–even if it doesn’t look like I am. Some of that is cover.
I am not a stripper and never have been. I love to dance and have taken 16 years of ballet. I say this because sometimes when I say I’m a dancer, people think of strippers. That is not me.
Yahweh (God) told me I have been drugged without my knowledge or consent. That makes me more sad than I can ever say. I have also been exposed to toxic air and environments against my will and without my consent.
I am trying to share who I Am, and who I have been.
I love fancy things, glassware, and barware. Root Beer is not actual beer. The “hard” means alcoholic. I do not like actual beer at all. Some cider beers are ok. Wine gives me a headache and I don’t really like the wine I’ve had. Rose wine is ok.
This song to me represents trying to exist through the times when I can’t feel or hear Yahweh, Yeshua, or Go’el Kallel. Yahweh told me it is a withdrawal. Sometimes have been excruciating. The best times are when I feel Them and hear Them all the time.