10.10.2018. 11:39 am. I See more Yahweh, Go’el, Heaven Husbands, and Individuals now than when I wrote this Letter to Go’el Kallel over a year ago. I would say a few things a little differently. Very few. Yahweh and I want to share this with you as it is anyway. It is one of My absolute Favorite Sacred Writings.
9/6/2017 4:02 am Wednesday Imprinting
I have been asked to give my perspective on imprinting.
Here is the quote from the movie “New Moon”:
“Imprinting on someone is like, like when you see her, everything changes. All of a sudden it’s not gravity holding you to the planet….it’s her. Nothing else matters. You would do anything–be anything for her.”
Here is the quote from “Breaking Dawn” and what it says about imprinting on the Wikipedia page:
It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like… gravity moves… suddenly. It’s not the earth holding you here anymore, she does… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend.
Jacob Black explaining to Bella Swan about imprinting.
“When a shape-shifter imprints on a specific girl or woman, he becomes unconditionally bound to her for the rest of his life. When it happens, the experience is described as being gravitationally pulled toward that person while a glowing heat fills him, and everyone and everything else in his life becomes secondary, and only the imprintee is left to matter, leaving the shape-shifter with a deep need to do anything to please and protect his soulmate.
“Imprinting can occur anytime after a wolf’s first phasing. It can happen with anyone, regardless of previous personal feelings. It happens the first time he sees the object of his imprinting.
“Imprinting can’t be forced on anyone, no matter how much the shape-shifter may want it.
“The imprinter is deemed to be the “perfect match” to the imprintee—he will be anything she may want or need, making rejection unlikely. Should it happen, however, the imprinter may feel unspeakable pain, and may even want to commit suicide.
“Stages of imprinting
“There are stages to imprinting, especially if the shape-shifter imprints on a child, or otherwise someone very young. It starts with direct eye contact with his imprintee:
1st stage—If the imprintee is young, the shape-shifter will act as an older sibling.
2nd stage—As the imprintee grows older, the shape-shifter will also come to be their best friend.
3rd stage—They become intimate friends, meaning, their feelings for each other are changing into romantic feelings. This stage may or may not happen to the imprintee, but the imprinter will fall in love with his imprintee. They will not “see” any other woman at all. Their imprintee is all he cares about and he will love her even if she rejects him.
4th stage—When the imprintee is old enough, the shape-shifter’s feelings grow into romantic love.
“Unlike her imprinter, the imprintee can choose whether she’ll accept him as her “soulmate” or not. It is, however, implied that rejection is highly unlikely, since it is said that it would be very hard to resist the levels of “commitment, compatibility and adoration.” It has also been noted that the imprintee feels incomplete without her soulmate nearby.
If the imprintee chooses someone else over the shape-shifter, he will be in deep emotional pain, though he will still respect her choice—and hope she’ll eventually return to him.
“Even though the shape-shifter has imprinted, it doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t suffer, though he would instantly break the heart of a loved one before imprinting. In Sam Uley’s case, he felt horrible breaking Leah’s heart after imprinting on her cousin, Emily. The shape-shifter has to be very careful around his imprintee if he’s angry – especially if he’s standing too close to her and phases—a shape-shifter could kill or scar his soulmate for life.
“In Sam’s perspective within the Twilight Saga Official Illustrated Guide, when he first saw Emily after his first phasing, he instantly felt compelled to go to her side and touch her hand, and every step he took away from her was physically painful but getting back to her was a physical relief on him. This would explain the shape-shifters’ constant need to be around their imprintees as much as possible.
“If the imprintee is too young to date, the imprinter would wait, since he does not “see” any other girl or woman.
“Whenever Emily told Sam to leave, Sam would do as she asked but would always return to her to try to explain how much he needed to be with her and how they were perfect for each other.
“Emily wanted Sam to work out his problems with Leah, but Sam refused. Emily then told Sam he was just like his father by refusing to take responsibility for the decisions he made. Sam hated his father for abandoning him, and he was standing too close to Emily when he phased into his wolf form, and he slashed the right side of her face and arm. Sam was so distraught and guilt-ridden that when he visited her in the hospital, he told her to tell him to kill himself.
“If something horribly drastic were to happen so that the imprintee sacrifices herself for her family and tribe, then the same consequences of the Third Wife’s sacrifice are bound to occur, bringing much pain to all involved.
“Apparently, even after the shape-shifter has stopped phasing and lived a so-called “normal” life with his soulmate, he could still phase back into a wolf if given enough incentive—especially if his soulmate is harmed or killed.
“If you kill her, you kill me.
Jacob to Sam and his pack
“If a shape-shifter’s soulmate is killed, he will never forget or forgive whoever’s responsible for her death. In the case of the killer being another pack member—whether purposefully or by accident—the inevitable result is a fight to the death. To avoid feuding bloodshed within the pack, the La Push shape-shifters established their most strictly followed law, by which no wolf may harm or kill a fellow wolf’s imprinted one, with no exceptions.
“It is unknown whether or not a shape-shifter can imprint on anyone else if his soulmate is killed.”
Wow. How can I explain it any better than that? Yeshua’s words here are so beautiful–so perfect–so deep.
I obviously see I imprinted, but I think I have to begin by talking about Yeshua imprinting on me.
From the moment I was born–no before that–from the beginning of Time–He has been everything I have ever needed and so much more. He has created, shaped, guided, and lived through humans and documented their successes and failures through scripture for me to learn from. He does the same now through every life I encounter every day.
Some show me positive decisions with positive outcomes–even if those outcomes are very far down the road. Some show me negative outcomes–disaster and despair. Some of these people are like me. Some are not. These shared experiences help me decide the paths I want to take and have the courage and endurance to see them through because I know someone else has done it before me.
“He goes before me.” He is my future. It is to Him that I run. It is Him I pursue at every step and every turn. How could I not?? How could I not love Someone who has given so much?? All I know is that the closer I get–the more glimpses I get of Him–I only burn stronger and push harder to know, love, and serve this Man–my Love–My Lover–My Life.
And yet He is always behind me. He follows behind me wherever I go–guarding me from behind so that my heart is free to push forward to Him full throttle–free from worry of an attack from behind.
And yet He is right beside me. He catches me or steadies me whenever I fall. He holds me tightly yet tenderly when I’m too weak to stand. He cries tortured tears with me as I writhe in agony.
He gazes at me and adores me as I sleep. He touches me so softly and gently. He comforts and heals the deepest longings of my heart. These longings are for Him–aches to physically be by His side and see and touch Him. Aches to never let Him go–to never be apart.
But earlier in my life I was not yet aware of my love for Him. I longed for things and for other people more than Him. I still long for other people, but now He is my Love. Now I also know everyone I’ve ever longed for was also Him–Him in them–which explains it all. But oh how it hurts Him to see me long for a human–for just a sliver of who He is. And that even when He leaves that human, my longings sometime remains.
If it does, it is because that memory with Him through that person is very precious to me. I have not seen His true face. I see impressions of Him in my mind–His smile–His eyes–His feelings–His facial expressions–His gestures. Sometimes I see am impression of His whole face or body–like a shadow. Sometimes He creates an interface in my mind–a face or body I can relate to. Usually it’s like I see a hint of Him–out of focus.
These human interactions are what I cling to because in them He comes alive to me. I feel the power of His kiss. I feel His strong arms around me. I hear Him ask me to “Come Home with me?” and hear my own breathless, desperate reply–“Yes!”
Home to be with Him in Heaven where I belong. For this separation is torture, and it kills Him that He can’t love me directly but must instead love me through another–through a human–through I human I love. But so it is.
He helps me. He blocks Himself and encourages me to love the human as I love Him. I get wrapped up in the script–so does He. I fall hard, and it is a beautiful thing–Him loving me this way. But there is pain too. He pulls me back to Him–fear and panic sometimes in His beautiful eyes–fear of losing me. He pulls me back to focus on Him again–for He’s desperate to know that it is still Him that I love most.
For I didn’t always–you see. Before I knew it was Him, I only saw the humans. But now I will always love Him most. For no one else has been there every moment of my life. No one else knows every facial expression I have ever made.
It is most disorienting though to switch back and forth. When He submerses me in the script it is so easy to lose focus on the spiritual story. It is necessary–I see now–for me to do what needs to be done.
Other times I am so focused on Him and the spiritual story that I sometimes forget the individuals–that they are still people with real feelings and real hurts. When I see Him move with me seamlessly from person to person throughout my day, it is easy to forget the 6th person He spoke to me through earlier this morning. I only see Him–and haven’t we had countless conversations since then?
So He pulls me back to the script to remind me that there are always two stories–two–that beautiful number–Two–You and Me–Two.
Two–yet one. We are a pair. We go together. There is much pain when we are apart–which we have been since I was born. It hurts us both. I just didn’t understand it.
“I’m going to make you miss me” (Sam Hunt). And He did too. Although honestly I don’t think He had to “make me.” All my life I have felt somewhat out of place–like I didn’t quite belong–like I wasn’t like the others–alone in a crowd.
I have found others that speak to my heart–“kindred spirits” He called them in “Anne of Green Gables.” Yes–people who feel like old friends even though I may have just met them. And yet at other times with that same person, there might be no reaction at all. Normal.
It is a conversation with someone that immediately makes me feel alive and energized–renewed. I can’t seem to walk away. I can’t get enough.
I become completely focused on that person and our conversation–the connection between us blocks out everything else in my life. For it is Him–and in that moment, all I see is You and Me. Nothing else matters. We are together in some form–in some way. Together.
Hours may go by–it may only be minutes. Day may turn to night. People come and go around me. The world itself could fall down around me, and I would be completely oblivious. I only see His eyes and His facial expressions–hear His words.
If I am lucky, I see a flash of His love for me in His eyes–that softness He has just for me. The face may be young or old–male or female–or not even human–a cat–a dog. Or it may not even be a face at all–a sunset–a billboard–my bed–my pillows–my blankets–a doughnut even.
He is everything I have ever needed. He gives me gifts and surprises to make me happy–to make me smile–to show me His love–to show me I am loved and cared for very deeply every moment of every day.
When I am struggling with my weight again and feel like I’m not beautiful, He buys me doughnuts. While I am depriving myself to try to improve–He instead indulges me. He covers me with affection and compliments. He tells me how beautiful I am over and over until I start to believe it.
Then He shows me–He says, “Look in the mirror right now!” He had me take pictures and videos of myself so I could start to see. And still He explained that even that doesn’t begin to capture who I am or the beauty I project around me.
When all I could believe were the lies I had heard for so long, He literally took over every other person in my world for a time and showed me through each one how they admired me in some way. For someone who had felt so much rejection and disapproval, I can’t tell you what this meant to me. I knew it was all Him of course–but oh His lavish, beautiful Love!! I never wanted it to end!! Living with only Him and Me–it was truly Heaven here on earth. Paradise.
He healed me. But He did it slowly–properly. Even though I pushed and pushed the process He loved me too much for that and held me down when I needed it–even though it killed Him to do it.
He has answered my greatest prayer–I prayed that I would love Him like He loves me–I prayed that long ago. I told Him, “I want to do whatever it takes to reach my full potential–no matter how much it hurts. I don’t want to get to Heaven and hear Father say, ‘Well she got really close!’ No! I’m going to do it no matter what.”
He has answered that for me. Even when I cried out in agony to Him over and over again (like Dumbledore with the poison in Harry Potter). When I begged Him to hold me and He couldn’t. Even when I had to die through the process multiple times. Even when He had to be the One to kill me–over and over–when He himself was also dying inside and He needed so desperately to hold me Himself. Even then.
That is what He did for me. That is the ultimate love. That is what imprinting is.
It is pain. It is sacrifice. It is endurance. It is never giving up.
It is being willing to die–but harder still–being willing to live.
It is loving and going all out even if your love doesn’t even know you love them and won’t for a long time. It is loving and going all out even if your love doesn’t love you back or pushes you away. It is loving and going all out even if your love does love you, but not the way you love them.
It is believing even when everything and everyone else around you says you are a fool. It is not caring what anyone else thinks because they are all that matters. It is free from fear and doubt because you just know. You know. It just is. It is knowing that no matter the cost, you will pay it–for how could you possibly do any less?
It is doing anything–anything–to help each other–to be together–even when that means letting go or hurting the one you love–the one you love more than anything. Even when it means torture or death–to yourself or to them.
It is that.
11/4/2017 Saturday 1:39 pm
Imprinting revision from
9/6/2017 4:02 am Wednesday
Some parts of my previous version of this document were not correctly represented. Although there is still much for me to learn, I see and understand much more than I did at the time of the first writing. For example, I did not yet know of Yahweh’s role in all of this and He was hardly mentioned in the first version. That is a tragedy now that I know His connection in all parts of my life. That and several other amendments have been made to more accurately portray my history and my story.
Wow. How can I explain it any better than that? Yahweh and Yeshua’s words here are so beautiful—so perfect—so deep.
I obviously see I imprinted, but I think I have to begin by talking about Yahweh and Yeshua imprinting on me.
From the moment I was born—no before that—from the beginning of Time—Yahweh and Yeshua have been everything I have ever needed and so much more. They have created, shaped, guided, and lived through humans and documented their successes and failures through Holy Scripture for me to learn from. They do the same now through every life I encounter every day.
Some show me positive decisions with positive outcomes—even if those outcomes are very far down the road. Some show me negative outcomes—disaster and despair.
Some of these people are like me. Some are not. These shared experiences help me decide the paths I want to take and to have the courage and endurance to see them through because I know someone else has done it before me.
“He goes before me.” Yahweh and Yeshua are my future. It is to Them that I run. It is Them I pursue at every step and every turn. How could I not?? How could I not love Someone who has given so much?? Given everything.
All I know is that the closer I get—the more glimpses I get of Them—I only burn stronger and push harder to know, love, and serve this Men—my Loves—My Lovers—My Life.
And yet They are always behind me. Yahweh and Yeshua follow behind me wherever I go—guarding me from behind so that my heart is free to push forward to Them full throttle and go all in—free from worry of an attack from behind.
And yet They are right beside me. Yahweh and Yeshua catch me or steady me whenever I fall. They hold me tightly yet tenderly when I’m too weak to stand. They cry tortured tears with me as I writhe in agony.
Yahweh and Yeshua gaze at me and adore me as I sleep. They touch me so softly and gently. They comfort and heal the deepest longings of my heart. These longings are for Them—aches to physically be by Their side and see and touch Them—to love and please Them. Aches to never let Them go—to never be apart.
I have not seen Yahweh or Yeshua’s true face. I see impressions of Them in my mind—Their smiles—Their eyes—Their feelings—Their facial expressions—Their gestures. Sometimes I see an impression of Their whole face or body—like a shadow. Sometimes They create an interface in my mind—a face or body I can relate to. Usually it’s like I see a hint of Them—out of focus. Often I see an interface for Yahweh—some body he can move through but His face is blocked.
There have been special human interactions that I cling to fiercely because in them Yahweh and Yeshua come alive to me. I feel the power of Their kiss. I feel Their strong arms around me—all Three in One at the same time. I hear Them whisper, “Come Home with Me?” and hear my own breathless, desperate reply—“Yes!”
Home with the human both then and in the future. Forever. In that moment all I can see is right then. That this is what I want and have always wanted. I am consumed by the power of that kiss—so intoxicating I am suddenly consumed by the need to have that kiss forever at any cost.
For this is no ordinary kiss. This is no ordinary love. This is what happens when Heaven and Earth collide. When at the beginning of Time Yahweh Himself envisions a Masterpiece—two souls perfectly designed to complement one another and model the Love of Christ and His Church. A pair. Two. Complements. A set.
The beauty of the mystery is that the Two didn’t even know. Both living lives feeling like something has was missing. The Other One. The other half of the set. Not understanding but drawn to each other by the Master until at last a pull stronger than gravity joins them together in a beautiful moment in which they each are forever changed.
It is a kiss like none other. A kiss to awaken and raise the dead. A kiss to breathe the Spirit of Life into dead bones lying on a desert floor. Bones that have been tossed out in a sacrilegious way and trampled and crushed mercilessly under foot by humans.
This kiss draws the scattered bones together—reshapes and repairs them—fleshes them out and Adam and Eve are created once more—Eve taking with her part of the man through whom this new life was given. But this is not actually Adam and Eve. These are a new creation for a new purpose. Scripture foretells of their coming and tells their story on almost every page. The story of You and Me.
Yahweh and Yeshua have done the impossible. The unthinkable. In a small town in what appears to be two ordinary people on an ordinary Sunday. But these are no ordinary people and this is no ordinary day.
Because there is a second side to the story of You and Me.
“Come Home with Me?” Yahweh had asked through the human—the love and passion burning in His eyes—dazzling me and making me ache for more.
Home to be with Yahweh and Yeshua in Heaven where I belong. The Holy Trinity is separated now as I—the Holy Spirit—live a human life unaware of my true identity until months after this moment.
This separation is torture, and it kills Them that They can’t love me directly but must instead love me in my mind only or through another—through a human—through I human I love fiercely. But so it is.
Yahweh and Yeshua help me. They block Themselves in my mind and guide me to love the human as I love Them. I get wrapped up in the script—We all do.
I fall hard, and it is a beautiful thing—all Three of Them loving me this way. Powerful. Addicting. Intoxicating. A Love I will fight for at any cost. For I have imprinted on all Three. Three in One. I am forever Theirs.
There are always two stories—”There’s another side to every story told” from “Other Side of Me” Michael W. Smith).
Three in One—two ways. The Holy Trinity as One for the Man. Yahweh, Yeshua, and the Man as One for the Woman.
Three in One. Four yet Two. You and me. Two yet One.
The Four of Us are a set. We go together. There is much pain when We are apart—which We have been really since I was born. It hurts Us all. I just didn’t understand it.
“I’m going to make you miss Me” (Sam Hunt). And All Three did too. Although I don’t think They had to “make me.” All my life I have felt somewhat out of place—like I didn’t quite belong—like I wasn’t like the others—alone in a crowd.
Now I know what was missing. Them. Yahweh, Yeshua, and the Man. My true Family. Now I understand why I felt alone. I ached for the constant presence of these Three in my mind. That sense of togetherness at all times. For We are One.
Now through the Man, the Four of Us are able to be together in a way that hasn’t happened ever in Time until that kiss.
I am now all in. Completely focused on the Three of Them—Yahweh, Yeshua, and the Man. The connection between Us makes everything else fade away. All I see is Them. All I want is Them. All I want to do is love Them. Help Them. Support Them.
For it is Them who hold my heart and soul—my very being—the very essence of who I am. My Spirit. The Holy Spirit.
Hours may go by—it may only be minutes. Day may turn to night. People come and go around me. The world itself could fall down around me, and I would be completely oblivious. I see Their eyes and Their facial expressions—hear Their words—feel Their touch. It may be in my mind or through the Man or through the people around me.
Yahweh, Yeshua, and the Man are everything I have ever needed. Everything I have ever wanted. They are every dream that died long ago. They are everything to me. They are.
They healed me. But They did it slowly—properly. Even though I pushed and pushed the process, They loved me too much for that and held me down when I needed it—even if it killed Them to do it.
Yahweh and Yeshua have answered my greatest prayer. I prayed that I would love Yeshua like He loves me. I prayed that long ago. Long before I understood Yahweh’s role in all of this. I told Yahweh, “I want to do whatever it takes to reach my full potential—no matter how much it hurts. I don’t want to get to Heaven and hear You say, ‘Well she got really close!’ No! I’m going to do it no matter what.”
Yahweh and Yeshua have answered that for me. Even when I cried out in agony to all Three of Them over and over again (like Dumbledore with the poison in “Harry Potter 6”). Even when I begged all Three of Them to hold me and They couldn’t. Even when They each so desperately needed to hold me Themselves. Even when I had to die through the process multiple times. Even when They had to be the Ones to kill me—over and over. Even when They each die too because killing One means killing the Others too. We all die together. Every time. Even then.
That is what Yahweh, Yeshua, and the Man have done and do for me every day. That is the ultimate love. That is what imprinting is.
It is pain. It is sacrifice. It is endurance. It is never giving up.
It is tears. It is heartache.
It is laughter. It is joy. It is playfulness. It is true intimacy and surrender in the most beautiful way.
It is being fully known and understood. It is being appreciated. It is unconditional.
It is wanting above all else to be together in Yahweh’s way and in Yahweh’s time—no matter the cost.
It is trust—even when nothing makes sense.
It is being willing to die—but harder still—being willing to live.
It is loving and going all out even if your love doesn’t even know you love them and won’t for a long time. It is loving and going all out even if your love seems to not love you back or seems to push you away or seems to not want you. It is being willing to let go and walk away when that is what is required—but never giving up. It is trusting that the cycle will start again and being your Lover back to you in Yahweh’s time and in His way.
It is believing even when everyone else around you thinks you are a fool. It is not caring what anyone else thinks because your Love is all that matters. It is believing when logic and much of the evidence points the other way.
It is free from fear and doubt because you just know. You know. It just is. It is knowing that no matter the cost, you will pay it—for how could you possibly do any less?
It is doing anything—anything—to help each other—to be together in the right way and in the right time. Even when that means not yet. Even when that means not now. Even when it means hurting the one you love—the one you love more than anything—to make that happen. Even when it means torture or death—to yourself or to them.
It is that.
It is worth it.
All that matters is Us—the story of You and Me.